Bromeo and Joliet
by jackass in the box
Summary: The story of Bromeo and Joliet and how their love was not meant to be but so meant to be.


**Bromeo and Joliet**

I tried to keep the iambic pentameter lines n iambic pentameter but that's hard, and I'm not a poet. Also, please don't sue me.

* * *

><p><strong>ACT ONE<strong>

**PROLOGUE**

Two households, both alike in dignity,  
>In fair fic forums where we lay our scene,<br>From new grudge break to violent mutiny,  
>Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.<br>From forth the fatal arms of these two foes  
>A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their leave;<br>Whose misadventured piteous overthrows  
>Do with their death bury their fam'ly's strife.<br>The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,  
>And the continuance of their names' rage,<br>Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,  
>Is now the hundreds of words of this page;<br>The which if you with patient eyes attend,  
>What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.<p>

* * *

><p>And, so the tale begins with Joliet at the at the age of which she is on the cusp of ripeness, and Bromeo the same. But, they share more than just age. They have many like interests, the most important being a love for writing fanfiction to quench their thirst to fill the empty cup that canon has left behind.<p>

Ever since Joliet heard of Bromeo's existence, she knew that he held the key to the lock over her heart. Bromeo did not yet know this, but she would let him know somehow, if she mustered up the courage to message her tru luv.

There were only two obstacles in her way: Irutio, who liked both her brother Bromeo and doppleganger Joliet, but kept the two apart on claims that it just wasn't right, and Parils the chipmunk who wanted Joliet for herself.

Oh, and the fact that they were miles apart and had never spoken before, but that was just a tiny complication.

And, so it goes that Joliet began to pine away for her tru luv Bromeo who neither acknowledged her existence or was any closer to becoming hers.

Being dopplegangers with Irutio, Joliet begged her to pass along a message. Irutio refused and put down her foot firmly. "It's creepy," she insisted. "He's just a little baby."

"He's fifteen, just like me," Joliet collapsed at Irutio's feet, sobbing into the tiles of the floor. "Why won't you let me see him?" The impact of her tears sounded like raindrops and echoed throughout the great hall, and her sobs carried into the clouds.

Irutio stared at her doppleganger for a good minute before taking a sharp breath.

Joliet looked up from the floor and began to clutch Irutio's feet. Her eyes widened and her lips parted with hope that she and her tru luv would finally be united.

Irutio's lips formed a kind smile, and Joliet's heart rose.

Then Irutio's eyes narrowed. "Nope. Good try."

Joliet fell limp and began to sob again.

Lady Crapulet strode into the room and saw her daughter on the ground. "Who is this hot mess?"

Joliet stopped sobbing and lifted her head towards her mother. "You think I'm hot?"

"Oh, Joliet..." Lady Crapulet sighed. "Wash up. We have a potential suitor waiting in the study with your father."

.

"You wished to see me, father?" Joliet said as she opened the doors into the study.

"Yes," Lord Crapulet said. "This is Lady Parils." He turned to Lady Parils, who was currently struggling with a chipmunk crawling in her hair. "Lady Parils, this is my daughter." Lord Crapulet took another shot of vodka and tried to run a hand through his hair.

Joliet smiled politely. "I am pleased to meet you, Lady Parils."

"Likewise."

Lord Crapulet sighed. "Hahaaa, we're broke so be nice to Lady Parils, mkay." He put his head in his hands and began to snore.

Joliet struggled not to gag. The air smelt of vodka and body odor. She didn't know how long her father had spent in that study, but it was probably a week too long. "Shall we go to the gardens?" she asked. "I would love some fresh air."

"Splendid!" Parils replied, cuddling a chipmunk to her cheek. "I'm sure my pets with love the walk."

.

"Um," Joliet began, "what kind of things do you like to do?"

"Er," Parils replied. "I don't know, what do you like to do?"

Joliet blushed and shrugged. "I like hearts."

"Like, beating pig hearts?"

"No! Like, black hearts. You can make them really easy just by typing and hearts when you're at the forums."

"Cool! I use diamonds."

"Well, diamonds are nice too."

"I think they would like nicer on your ring finger."

The two girls turned to each other and Parils blushed and hid her face. "Sorry."

"Wanna hear a joke about Potassium?"

"Sure?"

"K." Joliet laughed loudly. "You get it? K? Potassium?"

"Um..."

"Say, you got any food?"

.

Even though Joliet liked Parils very much and began to, say, even love her, her heart was still set on her tru lov Bromeo.

"Irutio-" Joliet begged for the fourth time that morning.

Irutio cut her off. "No."

"But-"

"Sorry."

"I'm beginning to think that you aren't sorry at all."

"Now you're onto something."

Joliet sighed. It looked as if she would have to take matters into her own hands.

.

She walked to the forum. Merchants were scattered all around. A laughing sheep was being auctioned, a few ducks were being beheaded, pigeons were flapping in their cages; it was quite a racket. How on earth was she supposed to find Bromeo?

Perhaps she would just have to find his mailbox instead.

"Excuse me," she sidled up to the royal messenger. "Do you know the number of the Montague mailbox?"

"Yes, but you should know that Lord Montague is now legally addressed as Lord Mortician."

"Oh, how morbid! Why did he change his name?"

"I believe he said that he was preparing for the deaths coming ahead, whatever that means. Are you sure you need his mailbox number?"

"Ack! Yes, I'm sure."

"Well, it's number three. They insisted on getting that number because of the rhyme."

"What?"

"You know, first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairiest dress."

"Chest."

"By jove, I think you're right!"

Joliet hurriedly scribbled a note.

_Bromeo Mortician,_

_It is I, your friend, and I have urgent news for you. Meet me at the forum at five o'clock, forum time._

"That should do," she muttered. She wrapped it in an envelope and dropped it in the mailbox. Hopefully, it would not be intercepted.

_._

"_What the fuck?"_

Bromeo had read the letter once again and it still did not make any more sense. Should he go meet this "friend"? Was this friend really just a serial killer in disguise?

He put the paper up to his nose. Perfume.

"I finally have a fangirl," he whispered, in awe of this achievement. "I will go meet her and thank her for her devotion."

.

Joliet paced nervously in the center of the forum. The forum was a big place...how was he supposed to find her. She bit her lip, trying not to cry out in embarrassment. It was already 5:01, and he still wasn't here.

Then someone took a whiff of her neck. She whirled around and was faced with the face of Jim Moriarty.

"So, you're the fangirl," he said. "Thanks. Do you want my autograph?"

"No!" Joliet said, flustered. "I'm not a fangirl. I'm just in love with you! You're my tru luv. Irutio doesn't think so but I know it's tru."

"Oh, so _you're_ Irutio's doppleganger?"

"Yeah!"

"Wow, that's creepy."

"What?"

"Seeing your doppleganger usually means death. Anyway, gotta scurry." He smiled and made running motions with his arms. "See ya."

Joliet grabbed his arm. "Wait! You're supposed to marry me now!'

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Maybe later. See ya!"

"Bromeo, don't go! Bromeo, no!"

I'm sorry, Joliet, but I'm a loner, and a loner's got to be alone. Hiya!"

He kicked himself in the ankle and sprinted off into the sunset.


End file.
